Yellow Ribbon Program helps Air Force Reserve families face 'war' at home

  • Published
  • By Staff Sgt. Anna-Marie Wyant
  • 920th Rescue Wing Public Affairs
ORLANDO, Fla. --  Deploying is hard; that seems to be understood by both service members and civilians. So coming home should be easier, right?

For Senior Master Sergeant Renee Murphy, that wasn't the case. After a nearly yearlong deployment to Afghanistan, Murphy came home to find her family safe and sound. Although she was happy they were all right, she couldn't help but feel upset that they'd grown without her.

"It's like everybody else moved on with their life," said Murphy, the aircrew flight equipment superintendent for the 916th Air Refueling Wing, an Air Force Reserve wing at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base, N.C.

She said she didn't want to be at home anymore; her family had managed without her, so she believed she would be more useful to her fellow service members in Afghanistan, who became like family to her.

"I'd become part of that (military) family, and I didn't know how to deal with my own family," she said of returning from her deployment. "I wanted to be back (in Afghanistan), but that's not what I really wanted; that's just how I felt."

To make the transition even more difficult and painful, Murphy said her youngest son, who was three months old when she left, didn't even remember her when she returned.

"He didn't know who I was when I came home," she said of her now one-year-old son. "He didn't want me, he didn't want to touch me--it was like I was a complete stranger. He would call my oldest (daughter) mom. That probably hurt the most."

As one can tell by Murphy's situation, reintegrating back home can be just as difficult--if not even more difficult--than being deployed. Many Reservists face a new, unfamiliar 'war' at home. Air Force Reserve Command has acknowledged this all too common problem, and one of its solutions is the Yellow Ribbon Program.

The Yellow Ribbon Program was initiated by the Secretary of Defense and mandated by Congress in 2008 to provide information, services, referral and proactive outreach programs to Reservists and Guardsmen and their dependents through all phases of deployment cycles. The program's goals are to prepare service members and their families for mobilization, sustain families during mobilization, and reintegrate service members with their families and communities upon return from deployment.

Murphy and her family attended a Yellow Ribbon event in Orlando with more than 800 other attendees from across the nation Dec. 16-18. To date, this is AFRC's largest Yellow Ribbon event. Participants included Reservists, Individual Mobilization Augmentees and family members from Joint Base Andrews, Md.; Barksdale Air Force Base, La.; Beale AFB, Calif.; Buckley AFB, Colo.; Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, Ariz.; Dobbins Air Reserve Base, Ga.; Dover AFB, Del.; Duke Field, Fla.; Elmendorf AFB, Alaska; Hickam AFB, Hawaii; Hill AFB, Utah; Keesler AFB, Miss.; Langley AFB, Va.; Lackland AFB, Texas; Luke AFB, Ariz.; MacDill AFB, Fla., March AFB, Calif., Maxwell AFB, Ala.; McChord AFB, Wash.; McConnell AFB, Kan.; McGuire AFB, N.J.; Minneapolis-St Paul Air Reserve Station, Minn.; Moody AFB, Ga.; Nellis AFB, Nev.; Peterson AFB, Colo.; Patrick AFB, Fla., Pittsburgh IAP Air Reserve Station, Penn.; Pope Field, N.C., Schriever AFB, Colo.; Seymour Johnson AFB; Tinker AFB, Okla.; Travis AFB, Calif.; Whiteman AFB, Mo.; and Youngstown Air Reserve Station, Ohio. More than 30 community partners and organizations supported the event.

Upon her return from Afghanistan, Murphy was dealing with an internal struggle; she felt an obligation to her family at home, but also to her military family overseas. Between the two, she said she initially felt her military family needed her more. Over time, however, she began to realize how much her family truly did need her. While time had helped her recover from the culture shock of being back home and at 'war' with herself, Murphy said YRP helped even further.

"It provides a wide variety of resources for a variety of issues: financial, emotional, stress-related," she said of YRP. "It really reaches out; not all (Reservists) experience the same thing on deployment, and Yellow Ribbon offers a wealth of information."

Murphy wasn't the only one struggling with the deployment. Her husband, Roderick Benjamin, said it was difficult for him to take care of their five children--including their practically newborn son--without her. He said it wasn't just being a single dad that was stressful; he also greatly missed his wife and best friend.

"The toughest part was not having anyone to talk to, and not knowing what your loved one is going through," Benjamin said of the several months his wife was deployed.

He said YRP benefited him because he was able to network with other families who went through what he and his wife went through. He was also able to get in touch with numerous resources to help with various issues relating to deployments.

"With this Yellow Ribbon, I was able to meet the people who can help--now they know who I am, they can come help me, if I need it. Before, I didn't know them, and they didn't know me," Benjamin said. "When your family is on the edge of breaking apart, that's when it really counts."

Murphy recognized how much her husband of 10 years struggled in her absence.

"He's super dad," she said of Benjamin.

AFRC YRP chief Mary Hill said to an extent, she can see both Murphy and Benjamin's perspectives. Hill, who retired as a colonel from AFRC in 2008, has been both a service member and a service member's spouse. Having that personal experience allows her to have both perspectives, which she hopes helps her tailor YRP to Reservists and especially their families.

"In my experience my husband deployed, and I was the one who was left behind with the broken washer and the hurricane that came through," said Hill, mother of three boys. "It's hard to go, but it's equally hard to stay behind and deal with those issues at home."

Both Murphy and Benjamin said they wish they had known about YRP before the deployment, and they highly recommend pre- and post-deployers to attend if they have the chance. Murphy said her unit will eventually deploy again, and when they do, she wants her Airmen to be prepared for more than just the deployment itself.

"I got all this information (from YRP) for all of my people," said Murphy, who is responsible for approximately 30 Airmen. "I don't ever want them to come home feeling the way that I did. I'm taking all this stuff back for them to take back to their families... so they don't go through what we had to go through. The resources at YRP are so amazing."

Hill said hearing stories like Murphy's makes her job worthwhile.

"It makes me very proud that I am part of this program, that I'm able to contribute in just a little way to keeping marriages together, keeping families together," Hill said. "It makes my heart feel good to know those things."

To learn more about AFRC's Yellow Ribbon Program, visit their website and Facebook page.